


Everything

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-21 00:12:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9522137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: When Barbara is involved in a car accident, Tommy realises just how much she means to him





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC, no copyright infringement intended

I paced up and down the length of my office, occasionally pausing to look at my watch. Barbara and I were supposed to be heading to Oxford, and I wanted to get on the road before the rush hour traffic built up. I had called her last night and she had told me that she would be in by seven, and yet it was approaching eight and there was no sign of her.

I snatched up my phone, recalling her number and hitting call, gritting my teeth to try and keep a lid on my ever-increasing temper.

“Where the hell are you Barbara? You said you’d be here by seven!”

“Is this Detective Inspector Lynley?”

I was thrown, the voice asking the question wasn’t Barbara’s; for a start, it was male.

“Yes; who am I speaking to?”

“I’m sorry Sir, my name is Evans, PC Evans.”

My stomach plummeted, but I tried my best to stay calm. There could be any number of reasons why this man had Barbara’s phone, and not all of them were negative.

“Can I speak to Barbara please?”

“I’m sorry Sir…”

“Yes, so you keep saying! I want to speak to Barbara.”

“There’s been an accident Sir…”

I felt dizzy; my heart was pounding in my chest and my mind was racing.

“Where are you?” I didn’t mean to snap, but I was frantic. I needed to get to Barbara.

“Outside Chalk Farm Station Sir.”

“I’m on my way.”

The traffic had been gridlocked, so I had abandoned the Bristol at the side of the road and run the rest of the way. There was a police cordon, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. I waved my warrant card at the officer manning it and then ducked under the tape, daring him to stop me, and relieved when he didn’t.

As I took in the sight before me I felt sick.

Barbara’s car, or more correctly, what was left of Barbara’s car, was wedged front end first underneath the front of an articulated lorry. Emergency personnel crawled over it like ants, and it was then that I realised that Barbara must still be inside it. 

I hurried over, but was stopped in my tracks by a uniformed officer.

“You can’t come any closer Sir.”

I pulled my warrant card out again, “that’s my best friend in there, my partner. I need to know what’s happening, I need to see her.”

“Detective Inspector Lynley? I’m PC Evans, we spoke on the phone.”

“Look, I don’t mean to be rude but I need to see Barbara, I need to know how she is.”

“They’re still cutting her free from the car Sir. The impact, it trapped her legs.”

I stumbled, bracing myself against a street lamp.

“Sir? Do you need to sit down?”

I ran my hands through my hair, fixated on the wreckage of Barbara’s car.

“She has to be okay, she can’t be anything else. I love her, she’s everything to me.”

I was glad that PC Evans didn’t respond, my words hadn’t been directed at him anyway. My heart cried out to Barbara’s; I felt useless and impotent, and hated that I couldn’t be by her side, holding her hand and comforting her, just as she had comforted me on so many occasions.

As she was lifted out of the car on a spinal board, I pushed past PC Evans and ran. I fought my way through, reaching her as she was placed on a stretcher to be loaded onto the ambulance.

“Barbara! Barbara!”

The paramedic turned to look at me, “and you are?”

“Tommy, Tommy Lynley; Barbara is my partner.”

The paramedic stepped back, “if you’re coming with us then you need to hurry, she needs to be in hospital.”

I clambered in and sat beside her, holding her hand in mine, desperately praying that she would be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

I was pacing again; and it was no more help to me now than it had been back in my office. So much had happened that it seemed almost an eternity ago.

When we had arrived at the hospital Barbara had been rushed away for assessment and treatment. I had been left standing alone and confused, not knowing where to go or what to do, until a kindly nurse had guided me to the relatives’ room and provided me with a cup of something that laughably passed as tea, as well as a promise to let me know the moment there was any news.

I hated hospitals, they always reminded me of the baby that Helen and I lost, and of Barbara being shot. The smell; it didn’t matter where you were, hospitals always smelt of blood and tears and death. It clung to your skin and invaded your nostrils, adding to the despair.

I wondered what Barbara and I had done in our previous lives to deserve so much torment and grief in our current ones. Each time we were knocked down, we would crawl back up onto our knees only for someone to slap us back down again. It was as if we didn’t have the right to be happy, and I was getting sick of it.

I toyed with my phone, turning it over and over in my hands distractedly. I knew that I should call the office, Hillier would need to arrange for someone else to head to Oxford, but I didn’t want to. Until I knew what was happening to Barbara, I chose to be alone with my thoughts.

The door to the relatives’ room opened and the nurse that had looked after me popped her head through. 

“Mr Lynley, do you want to come with me?”

I slid my phone back into my pocket and followed the nurse through to where Barbara was lying. When she had been in the ambulance I had been too shocked by the accident to take much notice of her injuries, but now, seeing her face, all bruised, battered and bleeding, my heart wept.

“She’s a very fortunate young lady.”

I looked at the nurse incredulously, but held my temper. “What do you mean?”

“She has fractures of her tibia and fibula in both legs, they will be taking her to surgery shortly to fix them. Other than that, it is just bruising and cuts from the seatbelt, airbag and windows breaking. It could have been so much worse.”

I supposed that she had a point, but found it hard to count Barbara’s blessings when she looked so small and broken. 

“Can I sit with her?”

“Of course you can. She’s sleeping now, but I am sure that she will be pleased to see you when she wakes.”

I pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat down beside her; touching her hand carefully so that I didn’t wake her or disturb any of the medical equipment. It was a relief to hear that she would be okay, but I also knew that things wouldn’t be that simple. Barbara was going to need taking care of, and I wanted to be the one to do it. I would have to approach the subject carefully, as I was sure she would fight me tooth and nail before accepting any help. Whatever she said, whatever objections and arguments she threw in my face, they were inconsequential. I loved her and I would be there, right by her side, however long, no matter what it took.


	3. Chapter 3

I gazed down at Barbara sleeping peacefully in my bed. I had been there when she had been returned to the ward after surgery, staying with her until I had been politely encouraged to leave by the ward sister. I was back the next day for visiting hours, and had kept up that routine until Barbara had finally been discharged into my care

That had been a month ago, and I still knew nothing but the bare facts about the accident. Barbara insisted she couldn’t remember anything. I didn’t believe her; I was the one who held her when she woke screaming and terrified in the middle of the night, but I knew not to push; she would talk when she was ready.

The argument that I had been expecting to have with her over her recovery had never materialised; she had been more than willing to move in with me and let me look after her. She wasn’t the easiest patient, and we still clashed on almost a daily basis, normally because she wanted to do far more than she was physically able. I understood; neither of us were good at sitting around, but the doctors had told her that it could take up to six months before she would be fully fit and I didn’t want her to set her recovery back, so I had stuck to my guns, apparently driving her mad in the process.

I slipped off my robe and climbed into bed next to her, pulling her gently into my arms. She murmured in her sleep and then snuggled against me, her arm around my waist and her hand warm against my rump. I sighed contentedly, resting my chin on the top of her head and basking in the sense of calm just lying with her gave me.

I had loved Barbara almost from our first case in Yorkshire, but had done my best to suppress those sentiments by pursuing Helen instead. Stupidly, I’d believed that Barbara could never harbour any romantic feelings towards me, especially as she had actively encouraged me to tell Helen how I felt. I should have trusted my heart, my emotions, it would have saved us all a lot of pain.

“What’s wrong Tommy?”

I shivered at the way she said my name; it always affected me deeply.

“Nothing my love, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I could hear you thinking; talk to me.”

“I was just wondering why I had wasted so much time chasing Helen when I knew that I was in love with you.”

Barbara shifted in my arms so that she could look me in the eye, “because I had a bug up my butt the size of an emu and thought that everyone and everything was out to get me. I knew that you loved me; I could see it in your eyes, your actions and your words, and I loved you just as desperately, but my resentment and temper would have destroyed us both. It was safer to keep my defences up, to push you away and drive you into Helen’s arms. I was everything that you didn’t need.”

“So, what changed your mind? I expected all hell to break loose when I told you that I loved you and that I wanted to take care of you.”

Barbara lowered her gaze, staring at my chest, her breathing uneven. I tightened my embrace as warm tears began to moisten my skin, stroking a hand up and down her spine in what I hoped was a gesture of comfort, dropping soft kisses into her hair; wishing she would share whatever it was that she held locked away inside herself because I hated to see her in so much pain.

Eventually her body relaxed and her breathing evened out as sleep took her. I kissed her forehead before closing my eyes and following her into slumber.

~*~

I was awoken in the early hours by language that would have made a dock worker blush. Sitting up rapidly I saw Barbara perched on the side of the bed and doing battle with her wheelchair.

“Problem my love?”

“I hate this fucking thing!”

“I know you do, but you can’t weight-bear for at least another four weeks. Where were you headed?”

“The bathroom.”

“Want me to lift you?”

“No, I want to walk! I wish the accident had never happened! I want my life back!”

I reached for her hand, entwining my fingers with hers.

“I understand that you are frustrated, and I wish more than anything that you hadn’t been injured, but let me help you, please?”

She pouted, and looked so adorable that I couldn’t resist leaning over and kissing her, relieved when she responded.

“If I don’t let you help me then you’ll need waders because I will flood the bed!”

I laughed heartily, before lifting her off the bed and into her chair, allowing her to wheel herself through to the en-suite.

“Shout if you need me,” I called out as the door was pushed to. I heard her muttering under her breath, but decided to ignore her. I would take my victories wherever I found them and however small they might be.

I left it ten minutes before calling out again. “You okay in there?”

The door opened and Barbara appeared. “I was washing my hands. Everything takes twice as bloody long with this thing in the mix.”

I lifted her out of the chair and onto my lap. She nestled against me, looping her arms around my neck.

“As I said, hopefully it’s only for another four weeks, and I will be by your side whatever happens. We will get through this Barbara, and we will get through it together. It’s the way things have always been for us, and they always will be.”

“I know, and I do appreciate it, even if I am a cantankerous old cow.”

“You’re not old.”

Barbara playfully slapped me on the arm. “If I didn’t love you…”

“But you do, don’t you?”

“Always have, always will.”

“Good, me too.” I lifted Barbara off my lap and onto the bed, nestling next to her as I pulled the duvet over us. 

“Thank you for looking after me Tommy, I do appreciate it.”

“I know you do, sleep well my love.”

“You too.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter owes thanks to Lucida Bright and her A2A fic "Storm in a D Cup"

Screaming, burning, rubber. Screeching, louder, glass, breaking. Blood, red, black, smoke, fumes. Clawing, fighting, pain, choking, fading, dying. 

“Barbara! Breathe! Don’t do this, don’t you dare do this. BREATHE!”

Tommy. Focus on Tommy.

“Oh, thank God! That’s it, breathe, deep breaths. In through your mouth and out through your nose, keep breathing.”

Gasping, clutching, grounding.

“I’ve got you Barbara, you’re safe. Trust me.”

Holding, calming, loving.

“Tommy.”

Relief crossed his face as he pulled me closer, rocking me in his embrace.

“Christ Barbara, don’t do that again, you bloody terrified me.”

“Do what?” I didn’t understand.

“You weren’t breathing; holding your breath and clawing at your neck. You scared the life out of me.”

“I didn’t… I don’t… I… sorry.”

Softly, he brushed the hair from my forehead, before kissing it tenderly.

“I haven’t pushed you Barbara, I didn’t want to put pressure on you, was giving you time and space. But this… If you can’t talk to me that’s fine, but you need to talk to someone. Your body is healing, but your mind; you need to work through whatever happened to let it go and move on. Whatever this is, it’s killing you and destroying me. I can’t ignore it any longer.”

His tears broke me. Reaching up, I stroked them away with my thumb, peppering his face with butterfly kisses. He leant into my touch, nuzzling my palm.

“I thought that I was dying. I was in so much pain, and I was scared, very scared.”

Tommy didn’t interrupt me, instead resting his head against mine, stroking my arm distractedly.

“I lied to you when I said that I couldn’t recall anything that happened; I remember it all. It all happened so quickly. One moment I was slowing down for the lights, the next. I couldn’t do anything, couldn’t stop it happening. As the front of the truck rose up over the bonnet of the car I thought it was going to drive over me, devour me and then spit out whatever was left. I panicked, trying to get out of the way before it crushed me, but I was trapped. I couldn’t breathe; the fumes, the burning, closing in on me, pressing down, suffocating, poisoning. It was as if I were drowning in an acrid fog. And the noise. It was a relief when I blacked out from the pain.

“I close my eyes and I’m back there, in the mangled remains of my car, the truck looming in front of me. I panic; too afraid to breathe, trying to stop the fumes from filling my lungs. There’s blood running down my face, and there’s pain, so much pain. It’s as if I am in hell, and it is too much, sensory overload. Most times I wake myself by screaming, gasping in air, but this time…”

My mouth went dry; the words sticking in my throat. Tommy’s finger hooked under my chin, lifting it so that I had to look him in the eye.

“But this time?”

I swallowed deeply, “this time it felt real. I was back there, trapped, and I couldn’t wake up.”

“Oh Barbara.”

“I never meant to hurt you Tommy, or scare you come to that.”

“I know you didn’t my love, I know, but I wish that you had felt able to talk to me about it before now.”

“I thought that being shot was, well, you know. I was wrong. At least when I was shot I was unconscious almost instantly. With this, it was in glorious Technicolor, full HD, surround sound, and me in the starring role.”

“Perhaps, as well as talking to me, you should speak to a professional, get help so that this doesn’t... you know what I'm trying to say.”

I smiled at Tommy’s uncertainty; loving that he wanted to make suggestions to help, but at the same time was trying to avoid upsetting me.

“I’m not going to storm off because you suggest something that might help me; for a start, I’d end up face first on the bedroom floor, but more than that, we’re in a relationship, and supporting each other and loving each other is part of it. I’m not the same person I was, even if I can be a cantankerous old cow.”

“I told you, you’re not old.” 

His eyes were sparkling with mirth. I tried to look stern, failing miserably as the laughter I was fighting broke free. I leant back against his chest, my head on his shoulder. Tommy took full advantage of the access this gave him to my neck, alternating between nuzzling it and pressing open mouth kisses to the sensitive flesh he found there. My laughter was replaced by moans of pleasure. We sank back onto the pillows, becoming lost in each other and our love.


	5. Chapter 5

I watched with a heavy heart as Barbara slowly made her way into the lounge; sitting down heavily before lifting her legs up onto the couch and massaging the right one while wincing. Although she was now mobile, her recovery hadn’t been quite as complete as her doctors had expected. She found it painful to walk too far, and sometimes had to use a walking stick. 

I perched on the edge of the coffee table. “Can I get you anything?”

“No, but thanks for offering. I pushed myself too hard today. Stupid I know, but…”

Her voice tailed off, as if she expected me to reprimand her; I wouldn’t, she was hard enough on herself as it was.

“I could run you a bath. I’m sure a long hot soak before supper would help.”

She reached out and squeezed my arm affectionately. “As much as I appreciate it, you don’t have to run around after me Tommy; you’re my lover not my carer.”

I captured her hand and entwined my fingers with hers. “I know that, and I also know that I don’t have to, I want to. You need to stop beating yourself up about this Barbara; none of this is your fault.”

“I know, I know, it’s just so bloody frustrating. I thought that if I did everything the doctors and physiotherapists told me then I would be fit and back at work. I never expected to end up like this!” She spat the last word, gesturing towards her legs with her free hand.

I tightened my grip on her fingers, my heart breaking for her. Once it had become clear that things weren’t improving as expected I had paid for her to see a specialist in the hope that there was something that could be done. There wasn’t. Barbara was never going to have the level of mobility that she had previously, which had led to her being medically pensioned off from the Met. The day that happened I had resigned with immediate effect; I didn’t want to continue in the force if I couldn’t have Barbara as my partner.

“I can never fully understand how difficult this is for you, but I can be there to support you, to do whatever I can to make things easier for you.”

“You didn’t sign up for this! When we got together after the accident, I thought that would be the worst bit, that we would get through that and then we would have the future to look forward to. Some bloody future you’re going to have with me!”

I gathered Barbara into my arms, sitting on the couch and then settling her in my lap. Her arms slid around my neck, her head nestled against my shoulder.

“I wouldn’t have a future if it wasn’t for you. If you hadn’t stopped me from drinking myself to death after Helen died, if you hadn’t helped me after Julia was murdered; well it doesn’t bear thinking about. I want to be with you Barbara, I’ve always wanted to be with you. Nothing that has happened to you changes that. I love you, and that means all of you, even the tired, grumpy and in pain bits.”

I kissed her forehead and she relaxed against me a little more.

“Now, why don’t I run that bath for you, and while you are soaking I’ll order a pizza. We can curl up in bed and eat it and then wash it down with a couple of beers.”

“Mmmm; will you be dessert?”

I kissed her forehead again, “definitely.”

She looked up at me, her eyes sparkling, a broad smile across her face. “In that case Sir, I accept your kind offer.”

“Oh, it’s sir again is it Havers? You know what happens when you call me sir?”

The smile grew even wider, “no Sir, what does happen?”

My fingers what went to her waist, tickling her. She squirmed on my lap, and I knew that if she continued to do that she wouldn’t be getting her bath any time soon. I scooped her up into my arms again and carried her up to our room, depositing her gently on the bed.

“Getting you a bit hot under the collar was I?”

“You could put it like that!”

“You don’t normally complain.”

I lay down next to her, “I’m not complaining now, but I promised you a bath.”

“You also promised me dessert; and I sometimes like to have my dessert course before I have my main.”

As she spoke, Barbara began to undo the buttons on my shirt, pushing it from my shoulders and pressing open mouthed kisses to my skin, trying to get me to roll onto my back so that she could straddle me.

“Not trying to kill the mood or anything, but if your leg has been hurting then you should let me go on top.”

She didn’t respond verbally, instead rolling so that she was underneath me. Once I was sure that she was comfortable we undressed, kissing and caressing each other. I lay myself between her thighs, looking deep into her eyes.

“Are you sure Barbara?”

She nodded, her tongue darting out and licking her lips.

“If you feel any pain, if you want to stop, tell me.”

She pressed her finger to my lips, “shut up and fuck me Tommy.”

I did as I was told.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay... RL threw a job interview at me... fingers crossed please everyone! :o)

Barbara limped from the bathroom and almost collapsed onto the bed. I pulled her back into my arms and stroked her hair.

“Have you got something to tell me?”

She didn’t respond, nestling closer and relaxing against me.

“Barbara, talk to me. This is the third morning in a row you’ve been ill, even I can do that math.”

“And what math would that be?” 

“You plus me equals…”

“You mean you plus me shagging like the cast of Watership Down equals…”

“Barbara!”

“Oh, come off it, you’re not as sweet and innocent as you pretend to be. Lord Asherton might have airs and graces, but Tommy Lynley, well he has a darker side, one I’m sure his mother would be shocked to know about. We shag Tommy; we shag, we fuck, we make love, we copulate; you can dress it up any way you bloody want but we still do it, and yes, I think I’m pregnant!”

After her little outburst, she pushed away from me, curling up on the opposite side of the bed and hugging her pillow. I reached for her, putting a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged me off. Undeterred, I reached for her again, trailing my fingers lightly up and down her arm.

“I didn’t mean to upset you Barbara, I wouldn’t, not intentionally.”

She sniffed, but didn’t pull away. I took this as a positive sign, and kept up my ministrations.

“Please talk to me Barbara. I can’t know how you feel unless you tell me, and I want to understand, I really do.”

She sniffed again but this time she rolled over to face me.

“I’m sorry, I’m all over the place.”

“It’s all right.”

Barbara sat up, pulling her knees up to her chest and burying her face in them.

“No, it bloody isn’t! You’re so calm and understanding and I’m just a bitch! I don’t know why you put up with me, I wouldn’t.”

I stroked her hair before slipping my arm around her shoulders.

“You are not a bitch. Barbara, let me in. You don’t need to put up your defences with me.”

“I’m a mess Tommy, a physical and emotional mess. Every time something good happens, every time I think that maybe, just maybe things are finally going to start working out, the rug gets pulled out from underneath me and everything goes to shit again. I’ve been fooling myself, fooling my counsellor, and fooling you. What have I got to offer a child? A broken body, a short temper, emotional instability; welcome to the world little one, I’m your mother!”

I tried to guide her head onto my chest but she pulled away from me, getting off the bed and pacing. I could see the pain in her expression, and not just the physical pain from her leg. It tore me apart to see her hurting so badly, and more than anything I wanted to wrap her in my arms and never let anything hurt her again. In all the time I had known her, she had been the strong one; she fought for the victim, she fought for me, holding me up when I didn’t have the strength to stand on my own. Now it was my turn to be there for Barbara, somehow.

She stumbled and fell, but I caught her in my arms and held onto her, and I was relieved when she didn’t fight me. I guided her down onto the bed, lying next to her, holding her close, tracing her spine with my hand.

“We don’t have to make any decisions now Barbara; all I ask is that when you are ready, we make those decisions together.”

She nodded against my chest.

“Get some sleep my love, I’ll be here when you wake. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.”


	7. Chapter 7

I held Barbara as she slept, burrowing my nose into her hair and breathing in her comforting scent. Lying here with her in my arms was where I found my home, my sanctuary, I just wished that I could make her believe that she was my everything.

I loved her, all of her. She wasn’t as broken as she thought she was, not to me. We both had scars. We both had memories that woke us at night. The things that had happened to us, the experiences we had, they didn’t have to define us, not if we didn’t allow them to. I smiled as I remembered something I had once read; ‘when the past calls, let it go to voicemail, it has nothing new to say’. My relationship with Barbara had helped me to do that. I was sad that she didn’t feel the same, but her doubting was not enough for me to walk away, it never would be.

And now there was a possibility that Barbara was pregnant.

If she was I would be thrilled, and I would support her and take care of her and our child. If she wasn’t, it wouldn’t change my feelings for her, and I would still support her and take care of her. The accident and her subsequent injuries had knocked her confidence in a major way. I needed her to stop seeing herself as damaged goods that needed to be taken back for a refund; she wasn’t and never would be.

She murmured in her sleep, shifting against me. I brushed my lips against her forehead, stroking the back of her neck with my fingers, and she calmed, her warm breath caressing my chest. I continued stroking her skin, revelling in her warmth.

“I love you Barbara,” I whispered softly, “I always have and I always will. Whatever happens, whatever life throws at us, we will face it together. Nothing is insurmountable if we trust each other and love each other, we will make it through. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m going to keep on telling you that until you believe me. I’m in this for the long haul; you are my world.”

“Love you Tommy,” she mumbled, her voice slurred with sleep. 

I stroked her hair off her forehead, “I know you do, I just wish you’d love yourself.”

~*~

I woke to find Barbara still in my arms, her head resting on my shoulder, her finger tracing abstract shapes on my skin. I turned and kissed her tenderly.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“Better, yes, but also stupid.”

“Why stupid?”

“Because I lashed out at you again. I don’t want to drive you away, but if I keep using you for verbal target practice you aren’t going to stick around.”

“Barbara, you and I have been sparring verbally for over ten years; have I gone anywhere in all that time?”

“No, but…”

“There is no but. God Barbara, how can I prove to you that this, our life together, it’s what I’ve been searching for? I keep telling you that I love you, and there are no limits to that. Do you say to me, ‘I love you Tommy, except for the part of you that rants when there is a scratch on the Bristol, I don’t love that part’?”

“Of course not, that would be ridiculous… oh.”

“Penny finally dropping? Love isn’t choosing the good bits or the favourite bits; you accept the person in their entirety, and that is how I love you.”

“What if I am pregnant?”

“What about it? I said entirety, there were no disclaimers, exceptions or exclusions.”

“We’ve never discussed it.”

“No, we haven’t. But, as you said earlier, we’ve been shagging like the cast of Watership Down; there was always a chance of a baby bunny or two.”

Barbara giggled and shook her head. “What on earth would your family say if the ninth Earl of Asherton was a lop-eared runny babbit?”

I laughed with her, pleased to see her mood brightening. “I am sure they will welcome him into the Howenstow hutch, put straw down in his room, get the staff to hand feed him the choicest carrots… ow!”

She stuck her tongue out at me, before lowering her head and kissing the spot of my chest she had just playfully slapped. “You deserved that, being cheeky about your potential son and heir. Honestly Lord Asherton, what are you like?”

“You bring out my wicked side.”

“Hmmm, I do, do I?”

“Definitely.”

Barbara snuggled back down into my arms, “Tommy?”

“Yes?”

“What are your family going to say, if I’m pregnant? I mean, we’re not married.”

“So marry me.”

“Seriously?”

“Of course. I’ve been waiting for the right time to ask you since you moved in. I want you to be my wife Barbara.”

“Knowing what you’ll be letting yourself in for?”

“And that would be what? Being loved completely? Getting to spend the rest of my life with the woman who means everything to me? Pregnant or not, marry me Barbara.”

“Well, when you put it like that, how can I possibly refuse?”

“You can’t; so, say yes, kiss me, and then you and my wicked side will have some celebrating to do.”

“Yes.”


	8. Chapter 8

I sat down on the bed next to Barbara and stroked her hair.

“Barbara.”

She stirred, rolling onto her back and smiling at me sleepily.

“How long have I been out?”

“A couple of hours. I wouldn’t have woken you except that you need to eat.”

She pushed herself up onto her elbows, grimacing slightly as she did so.

“Is it a bad day?”

She shook her head, “I’ve had worse.”

“You don’t have to put on a brave face with me Barbara.”

“I’m not, I promise. And you need to stop feeling guilty.”

“I was the one who got you pregnant.”

Her eyebrows disappeared into her hairline, “I think I was present, I also think I was a more than willing participant.”

“That was before we knew…”

“Tommy, stop it. You heard what the specialist said, this could have happened at any time, it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the pregnancy, and even if it does, I wouldn’t change a thing.”

I reached out and touched her hand, not feeling confident enough to speak. Not long after Barbara’s pregnancy was confirmed she had developed extreme fatigue and pain all over her body. It didn’t matter how much she rested, nothing seemed to help. Then other symptoms began to appear, apparently unconnected. She had been referred to a specialist who had diagnosed her with Fibromyalgia. It was a steep learning curve for both of us, her first trimester had been especially difficult, and so we had put the wedding plans on hold.

“Earth to Tommy. Are you still in there?”

I smiled at her and squeezed her hand, “yes, sorry. So, supper; what do you fancy?”

She grinned back at me cheekily, “I don’t suppose you is the answer you’re looking for?”

“No, you need more than empty calories.”

“Don’t do yourself down, I find you quite fulfilling.”

“Honestly Barbara! What am I going to do with you?”

“Feed me supper, and then worship me sexually until I come screaming your name.”

“I thought you were in pain.”

She tugged her hand away sharply. “I said it wasn’t a bad day. If you don’t want me…”

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to my chest, resting my chin on the top of her head.

“I do want you, I always want you. I’m just trying to be considerate and not put you under pressure.”

“I’m not made of glass and I wish you wouldn’t treat me as if I am. The specialist said that I should carry on as normal as much as I can. I want that. I know that there are going to be days when I feel like death warmed over, and days when I will need probably need your help to do the simplest of tasks, but while I don’t I am going to live life to the full. You told me not so long ago that I had to learn to love myself. Perhaps you need to take your own advice because not everything in the world that goes wrong is somehow down to something you did or didn’t do. Shit happens Tommy. You are not responsible for me developing Fibromyalgia.”

I kissed her tenderly. “We’re a right pair, aren’t we?”

“Yep, that’s why we worked so well together, and why we are good together as a couple. Talking about us being a good couple, when are you going to make an honest woman of me?”

“When you tell me what sort of wedding you want.”

“Your mum probably wants the full three ring circus with chair covers that match the tablecloths, and more guests than the last royal wedding!”

“Mother can want what she wants; I want to know what you want.”

“You, me and a couple of witnesses.”

“Then that is what we shall do.”

“Lady A is not going to be happy.”

“It has nothing to do with Mother; as long as you and I are happy, that is all that matters. First thing tomorrow we will go and give notice at the registry office, but now we need to sort out supper. You still haven’t told me what you want, besides me that is!”

“It’s not good to exercise after a heavy meal, so, if you like my plan for after supper, we both need something light.”

“Something light it is then. Come on, let’s go and see what we can find hiding in the kitchen.”

“You say the sweetest things.”


	9. Chapter 9

Barbara and I had married as soon as the twenty-eight days’ notice period had expired, and we had married in exactly the way that she had wanted us to. Barbara had been correct about Mother’s reaction to our wedding plans, but once she saw how happy we were and accepted that we weren’t going to change our minds she came around to our way of thinking.

The last few months of Barbara’s pregnancy had been more of a struggle than her first trimester; in addition to her leg pain, her Fibromyalgia pain had been off the scale and she had been laid up in bed for weeks at a time. She had found it hard to accept as she had never been the kind of person who liked to lie around doing nothing. I had done my best to be as compassionate as possible without appearing patronising, but we had still argued regularly; we wouldn’t have been us if we hadn’t.

Twenty-four hours after our beautiful daughter Sophie had entered the world Barbara had crashed physically and emotionally. We had been warned that it might happen, the reduction in hormones, the exhaustion after giving birth, they all contributed to a massive Fibromyalgia flare. We had decided to bottle feed the baby so that Barbara could start on pain medication, but also so I could take care of feeds when she was exhausted. It had been frustrating for Barbara because she felt that she was letting Sophie and I down, and there had been plenty of tears, but she had gradually accepted that there had to be compromise.

I gazed down at Sophie sleeping peacefully in her crib, smiling to myself. Two arms slid around my waist as Barbara pressed her face against my back.

I folded my hands over hers, loving the feel of her warm body nestled against mine.

“If you wake her up Tommy I will throttle you.”

I turned to face her, holding my hands up in a mock gesture of surrender. “I won’t, I promise, no need for threats of violence.”

Barbara bit down on a laugh, tugging on my hand to lead me out of the nursery and into our bedroom. I quietly closed the door behind us and then enveloped her in my embrace.

“You are happy, aren’t you Barbara?”

“Of course I am Tommy. Why, aren’t you?”

I kissed her tenderly, “I’ve never been happier. I am married to my soulmate, and together we have our beautiful daughter. You and Sophie are the most important people in the world to me, without you my life wouldn’t have meaning, in fact I would probably have drunk myself to death.”

“I wouldn’t have let that happen, even if we weren’t in a relationship. We’ve dragged each other back from the brink on so many occasions that I’ve stopped keeping count; it’s who we are, it’s what we do.”

“Yes, it is, isn’t it; from the very first day.”

“To the very last.”

I cradled Barbara’s face in my hands, kissing her gently. “Sophie’s sleeping, and we are conveniently alone in the bedroom; do you feel like taking advantage of the situation?”

“Taking advantage of your wife more like. You are a satyromaniac Tommy Lynley!”

I quirked an eyebrow at her.

“What? I had to do something useful for all those weeks I was trapped in bed.”

“And something useful was looking up the male equivalent of a nymphomaniac?”

“Well, I wasn’t capable of embracing my nymphomania; my mind… wandered.”

I slid my hands over her shoulders, tracing my way down her body until I reached the hem of her t-shirt. My fingers crept underneath it, caressing the soft skin of her belly. She responded, her hand creeping inside my sweatpants and boxers, tracing the outline of my cock.

“It’s not only your mind that wanders.”

“Are you complaining?”

“Never.”


End file.
